Better off by bike? You must be joking.
We're constantly told by the powers that be to get cycling - for the sake of our health as much as anything else. But how healthy is a pastime where there's a good chance you'll get into an accident leading to serious injury, and even death?
The ugly truth is that if you cycle round London on a regular basis, you are going to get hit.
The ugly truth is that if you cycle round London on a regular basis, you are going to get hit. And if you get hit, you are going to come out of it worse than whoever hits you. Think about it: there you are whirring along happily in your shorts on a delicate, lightweight bit of aluminium and a dirty great van misjudges by a few inches when overtaking. Who is going to come out of it worse - you or the van?
Motorists have prangs all the time. That's what bumpers are for. If you're a cyclist, you don't have a bumper. Instead you have knee-caps, shins, elbows or, if you're really unlucky, your skull. And those are the things that will soak up the shock if you get into an accident.
I speak from experience. A couple of months ago I was executing a right-hand turn on a quiet suburban street when I was knocked from my bike by a Mercedes driver who admitted she was fiddling with the windscreen wipers instead of paying attention to the road. Fortunately I escaped with my life, but if the oncoming cars had been as carelessly as the Mercedes driver, I'd be writing this column from a cloud. Now I use the Tube. Yes, it's disgustingly hot, crowded and expensive, but at least you don't fear for your life when there's a signal failure.
Ah, but surely it's just a question of installing more cycle lanes, some will say. Well, the odd cycle lane can't do any harm, but most of London's roads are too narrow and too choked with parked cars to allow any kind of integrated system.
What's more, it's almost impossible cycle far without encountering areas where the only sane thing to do is get off your bike and walk it along the pavement. Try cycling round, say, Hyde Park Corner or the Elephant and Castle and you'll see what I mean.
No wonder so many cyclists ride so recklessly. You need to be a bit of a nutter to cycle round London in the first place.
This piece first appeared in The London Paper.